kissing elephants

How did we get here?

Took a boat to Ko Pha Ngan and bypassed the main resort to find somewhere more secluded - and did we ever. After some unsuccessful bartering with the longtail boat men we got one up the coast to a beach called Sadet which was meant to be popular with nature lovers and artists. Well it would be if you like paintings of dogs.

We were dumped on the beach to be greeted by three luckily friendly local dogs - but no humans. Everywhere looked deserted. As we considered sleeping on the beach we noticed a man up in the hill that surrounded the cove. That looked our best shot so we started the climb, backpacks and all. After a few hairy moments where I thought I might tumble back down we reached the only place open and found a room.

Once evening came, a few more people appeared. Some had been there for weeks searching for solitude while others had encountered the same experience as us. It soon became apparent that while getting to the place had been tricky, leaving it was another matter. At that moment Hotel California came on the stereo.

'Oh no, you can't get a boat today', the owner said. 'The sea is too rough'. Looking out at the calm blue waters a slight wave of panic came over me. While I wanted some peace, this was a little too remote and I was getting eaten alive by jungle mozzies (I have elephantitis of the feet and bottom again). But fortune smiled on us as Greg asked a group of Irish backpackers how they were getting away. They had hired a jeep and could give us a lift out of there.

Then the adventure really started. We jumped in the back of the jeep amongst all the bags hoping for a scenic drive over the mountain, trying to ignore the owner's shaking head as we told her our plans. Only the roads here aren't roads but clay ravines up steep drops made worse by the recent torrents of rain. Luckily, Loretta and Nicky, our drivers were old hands and we only got stuck once but the ride was hairy. The only way to cope was to stand or crouch clinging on as tight as you could.

But the scenery was amazing and we saw so much more of the island this way. We made it down to Had Rin a little bruised and very excited. Having had my fill of seclusion for now, we've found a bungalow with floor to ceiling windows right on the beach which we thought was paradise until we found that the thump thump of the beach clubs went on until six am. But you can't have it both ways can you?

Boxing in Ko Samui

After a quick hot and steamy jaunt in Bangkok, we flew down to Ko Samui and stayed a few days in the main resort, Chaweng. What a scary place that is - a shanty town of girlies, lady boys and overweight sex tourists - complete with MacDonalds, Starbucks and Seven Eleven. Apart from having my purse stolen from my room only to have it appear a day later after complaining, the main highlight of the stay was a drunken night of cocktails on the beach when I literally had to be carried home (yes again, I haven't learnt my lesson) and a bout of Thai Boxing in a run-down nightclub at the back of the resort - watching not fighting.

I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. The strength of even the smallest boys was amazing and watching the audience rant and rave was good fun. But I went a bit wobbly when one teenager took an elbow blow to the head which cracked it open. The coaches walked him in front of us with blood streaming down his back to a side room open to view where they stitched him up. All very raw and brutal.

Also had my first Thai massage here which was a scary experience. I always seem to get the older scary women while Greg gets the pretty young ones. I wonder why. When she asked if he wanted anything else, he thought she meant a glass of water. I did start to wonder how this could be relaxing as she lifted my legs to the ceiling while I lay on my front with my head pushed into the pillow. The foot massage the next day lying on the beach watching the sun go down was much more relaxing.

Next to Ko Pha Ngan to hopefully find some peace and quiet.

One night in Bangkok

Let's have a competition how many song titles you can spot in my post titles....

Here in another crazy land. Bangkok is a sprawling monster with no obvious centre to it. We spent our first day avoiding getting scammed and trying to work out where everything is. The reverence you get from the staff in our super swanky hotel also takes some getting used to and is slightly unnerving.

The streets are hot, smelly and so noisy. We managed to find Chinatown, an amazing seafood restaurant with no menus. You pick your fish as you walk in and say how you want it cooking. My favourite part so far is Patpong the main red light district and the night market. Amongst the vast number of stalls selling copied diesel trainers and elephant notepaper are the bars where we were offered a bountiful menu of delights on crumpled laminated paper. They seem to have some very clever cats in this city - they play ping pong, write letters and do something called 'change water'. Any ideas for what that is?

Good evening Vietnam

And so goodbye to this life-changing country. I have had such fun and met some great people. Sorry to leave but also excited about my next adventure.

You see some crazy things here. On my way to the airport I passed, amongst other things, a couple playing badminton on a busy city street corner and a water buffalo with its baby running down the motorway. Yesterday, it was a motorbike with three large pigs on the back. Two on each side like paniers and one stretch awkwardly on its back across the seat. I thought it was dead until it twitched its back legs like a huge baby fidgeting in its dreams. Apparently its common to see buffalo on the back of scooters too. Maybe next time.

Halong Bay

I had such expectations about this place and they were fulfilled. Even though we only saw a small part of the thousands of islands it was still one of my top ten experiences. As the boat slowly chugged out to sea, the limestone giants appear out of the mist around you, their unruly structures like alien creatures, pale grey to start with and then dark lush green as you get close. We swam in the calm dark green sea off the boat which is no mean feat for me with my fear of drowning.

Our seafood lunch and a few beers as we returned was the perfect end to the holiday. Then got drunk on the bus home and giggled like a schoolgirl all the way - what fun.

The Hanoi Hilton

Finally we reached Hanoi, a little tired and jaded but pleased to see our very plush hotel. Hanoi is the complete opposite to Saigon - organised, tidy, gentile and serious. The people are more reserved and less forthcoming - more British in fact. I prefer Saigon.

In the short time we had here we visited Ho Chi Minh's mausoleum and house on stilts, although we couldn't see him as he'd been sent to Russia on his holidays for re-stuffing. The most exciting bit was the museum about his life. Built in 1990 it is the last example of Russian architecture to be built in Vietnam. The exhibition which was designed by a bunch of Westerners is pretty intriguing - very avant-garde with oodles of symbolism in its construction.

Next stop the first Hanoi Hilton to see what is left of the prison. Lots of dingy rooms and prisoner dummies mainly. They are unashamedly biased in their presentation here with two rooms devoted to how well the US prisoners were treated. You can also sense a different attitude up North towards the war with much less forgiveness - understandably of course.

Vietnam is still two very distinct countries from dialect to disposition. The Rough Guide sums it up quite nicely in its description of the stereotypes - the brash, wheeler dealer Southerner versus the serious, rule driven Northern government worker.

Tam Tam Hue

Hue is the original Vietnamese capital and a truly historic place. While most of it was levelled in the war, its done a good job to rebuild itself as a busy commercial town. The main reason to come here is to see the Citadel which is an early nineteenth century city within a city created by Emperor Gia Long. The place had a real sense of calm in a busy city and was a perfect stop in the balmy afternoon. A large part of it was bombed to bits by the US but there are still numerous Chinese inspired buildings. Its hard to describe all this but the photos will reveal all soon.

Last night I was resolved to have a quiet night and yet was lead astray by the others who forced me to drink lots of Vietnamese beer. Couldn't work out if I was seeing things as I was standing on the bar steps and saw this big rat coming straight for me. Luckily it veered off to the right as it got to my feet. Had a fit of the giggles in the taxi as Cathy tried out her best Spanish Vietnamese into the driver's radio. God knows what 'Tam Tam Hoy' means but she got a reply.

Just had my third massage of the trip. Despite being in a five star hotel, this one was in a room which felt like a hospital examination room with heavy metal playing full blast. There was little method in her massage but I did nearly fall asleep at one moment so it was a nice way to waste an hour. My definite favourite Vietnamese massage was on the boat and typically was the one that cost me the least - less than two pounds in fact - hoorah.

The Road to Hue

Sad to leave Hoi An on Tuesday, the place got better the longer we were there. I love this country and its people. Most are friendly, intelligent and dignified. I never tire of being called beautiful but I wish they weren't trying to sell me something when they say it.

On the way to Hue we went to China Beach where the GIs used to hangout and then to Marble Mountains, a palatial set of temple caves. Then we drove down a staggering mountain pass with more fantastic country. I am running out of superlatives to describe the beauty of this place.

High fashion in Hoi An

Sunday we flew to Danang, a pretty grotty town which was a main base for the US in the war, but not stopping there we went straight down to Hoi An, a gorgeous old place which is an UNESCO heritage listed site. The town is filled with 200 year old houses and shops, some Chinese architecture, some French colonial and a great buzzing market. At night it is particularly mesmerising with the small streets lit up by lanterns. While there we sailed up the Thu Bon River which was an atmospheric experience. I kept hearing the Doors, The End playing in my head.

The big thing in Hoi An is the tailoring. Loads of shops which will make whatever your heart desires - well they can copy stuff very well. Got a silk dress, two linen trousers, and three tops for $100. The night life is laid back and the food great. We had a cookery demonstration with a chef who fancied himself as a personality chef - a cross between Ken Hom and Gordon Ramsay.

Sorry if I'm not particularly eloquent today. I have another hangover - that's the third in three nights - oh dear.

New Rough Guide to Massage entries

I have now had the chance to sample the massage here and have been very impressed so far. The first was in Da Lat at the hotel. The room reminded me slightly of my old dentist's surgery - Mr Lee who looked like a serial killer and who I only ever saw in a mask - very disturbing. But all in all quite relaxing. I became slightly concerned when she suddenly leapt up on the table - I didn't ask for a Thai massage. But she just knelt on me, massaged my back and then got off again without inflicting any injury.

Apparently most men get asked if they want extras here. Had I been male I think I might have turned this one down. She wasn't the prettiest pin in the cushion. The poor girl had a cold so the sniffing was also a bit off-putting. But good strong thumbs so I certainly wasn't complaining.

As I sat in reception afterwards I overheard what was obviously the girl at the desk arranging a nightly liaison with a gentleman. I was quite shocked at how open she was about it - this being the Novotel too - I always thought they were such a reputable firm.....

My next massage was much more exotic and was on the boat out to sea while the others swam off the side. It felt really nice with the boat rocking and the spray showering me occasionally. Something I think you all should try.